A Personal Inception

Sometimes we get down on ourselves don't we? Life's road is usually cracked, windy, and maybe even sometimes broken. There are bumps all around it, and we have a hard time navigating them. Why is that? Have you looked at yourself recently and asked, "Who am I?" I have. It's been a life long journey up to this point. Every time I think of it, every time I think I'm close, it slips away. Why? Because it's a journey, it's not a destination.

I talked about this a little bit in my last post, when I talked about being in the Eye of the Storm, but now I want to focus on that personal journey that we all have to find ourselves. I'm not an expert in any respect. In fact, I'm wrestling with myself and my mind to continue making progress in my own journey. It's difficult. I've shed many a tear and hugged many a floor, wondering how to keep going. So how would we?

For me, I've done lots of searching. Searching the Bible, the Book of Mormon-reading guides and studies, praying every single day, and doing a lot of self study. It's hard, because we sometimes don't know when we've reached the next step, or when we've achieved that next tier in knowledge.

I recently read an article that outlined some of the basic steps to finding yourself. I almost cried reading it. Most of the things it talks about, have been things that I've been searching, wrestling, crying, or searching for for a while. It didn't give me any dominate answers, but it gave me something to start from. I'd like to outline a few of its points, as well as input a few of my own gospel points in.

For me, my challenges are mostly emotional, especially at the present time. Most everything else is fine (Though, none of them are ever perfect), but I'm definitely working on that side of me more then anything. I don't mind talking about myself, but usually I'm quite reserved in "who" I talk to about it. I always have this fear that by revealing some of my mistakes or vulnerabilities, that I'll just come out more broken. I'll put that fear aside for now, at least with a few of these challenges that I'll share with you.

I recognize myself as a perfectionist. It's not a boastful label nor is it a horrible trait, but it is a challenge for me in lots of respects. Sometimes I try so hard to be perfect; to love everyone, to be nice and neat always, and to do my best in things I do, but with perfection as my bar, I never succeed. Now, if I'm talking about it, I must recognize that I have this tendency or trait, right? 

So, why is it so hard? It's because it's a mental way of thinking. It's part of my personality. Can I change it? Honestly, I don't know, but I just know that I have to find someway of letting it in and fusing with me. You can only fight yourself so long before you lose, and I've gotten to that point many times. That's one of the rules of life though: Nobody is perfect, and we don't need to be concerned about being loved by everyone. That's something that's hard for most people, including me. I love the quote by Raymond Hull that says:

"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." 

It's hard to do this sometimes, but we need to accept ourselves and realize that we are very special people. This goes along with self worth and self confidence. Again, something that I'm working on, but we need to accept that each of us are special, and we have talents that we've been blessed with.

There was two or three main points from the article that I will mention now. The first subject on one of the "Steps to Personal Discovery" was entitled, "Let go of the need to be loved by all."

This is something that I think is difficult for many people. We want to be accepted don't we? It's our nature to want praise and affection for the things that we do or the achievements we get, but let's face facts. With nearly six billion people on the world (Don't quote me on that statistic!), we can't get along or be loved by everyone. Someone somewhere is going to hate or dislike us for reasons we don't know. Just accept that you won't get along with everyone. You have friends and family who, hopefully, love you, and even though everyone may not like you, you're still a wonderful person who has gifts and talents to use through your life.

The second point that I'd like to outline is, "Immerse yourself in Solitude." 

This is definitely true for myself. Everyone needs time alone, whether you're the "Chatty Cathy" or the "Shy Stewart". The article clearly describes that solitude is a time for rejuvenation, self-talk, and utter peace. Reading that sentence gave me a lot of peace. I love to discuss things with myself inside my mind. I find that, even when I can't turn to anyone else, I am my greatest listener. If we don't stop and think once and a while, our brains go into overload. How can you expect to find peace if you've burnt out the 'memory boards' of your brain? Not possible. Everything needs rest, and that goes for your mind and your feelings too.

For me, my time consists of quiet pondering, simple writing, and soft prayers. I would consider myself a creative person at heart, and it really is something when I can just sit down and let my mind zoom through the universes and feel that peace. 

The final point I'd like to talk about is, "Be ready for Dead Ends." 

I told you at the start that reading this article made me tear up, and the following point and quotation is one of the reasons why. I love you all. Thank you for coming into my life and for teaching me many, many things about myself. I will leave you, my good reader, with this quote, and bid you a wonderful time till we blog again :). Be safe, and remember that you always have a caring friend right here. 

Finding yourself is a journey, not a destination. A lot of it is trial and error. That's the price you pay in return for the satisfaction you receive: More often than not, you hit a bump in the road, and sometimes you fall flat on your face. Be prepared to understand and accept that this is a part of the process, and commit to getting right back up and starting over. 

Credits:

www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself 

Talents for the Ages

Something in which I've continued to work on throughout my life so far up to this point, is what skills I actually have inside me? What am I going to be able to accomplish, and what else could I learn to add to my personality? Have you ever noticed the fact that you aren't really the same as the person who might be sitting right next to you? Ever wonder why you haven't met someone exactly like you? It's because we're all individuals-we all think, act, and experience different situations and moments in our lives that shape our nature and our being. If you think about it, it's a good thing that you aren't like that guy or girl next to you, isn't it? How would you ever win an argument against yourself? Forget about it. We're all different for a reason, and it's those difference that can help us grow our talents, and our skills, and our likes.

For me personally-music and literature have been something that I've held dear to my heart for a long while now. My family and I have always been musically inclined, and my love for music has grown every time I'm involved with it. My mother is a professional musician, and my dad has also had musical experience. They actually met because of music, within the BYU (Brigham Young University) Singers, Choral group. I think it would be good to say that music has been a big influence for me.

Along with music, I've always loved the art of literature and English. I enjoy reading books, learning knew things, and studying the English language  Just recently, about three years ago, I started looking at literature and English in a different light. I had always loved English throughout school, even though I had a few teachers who were a bit on the edge. There were days when I just wanted to burn my English notebook, but luckily those weren't very frequent. Throughout school, it'd always been about learning the proper function and structure of the language, as well as writing essays and reading books. Like I said: I love books, but it was hard sometimes. I told you that my view had shifted slightly about three years ago, and that's because I discovered a new skill-writing.

Sure-I wrote essays, papers, portfolios of course, but this was all for school academia. I liked learning and school, but other then teaching you and learning for yourself, you're not really doing anything for anyone else at that moment. But with writing, actually being able to apply the learning, and get the things that spin around in your head and imagination down on paper, was astounding.

Never underestimate or undermine yourself by telling yourself that you're not good enough, or that you could never be as "fill in the blank" as "whatever person or thing". Just stop it. The world has such a twisted view of what happiness and joy is, and it's only getting worse my friends. You think popularity, money, and cars are the only things you need? No they're not. Singly going after popularity leads to pride and then leads to destruction; singly going after money leads to greed and then leads to bankruptcy or crime; and all these other things that are materialistic that don't really matter. If you have all these are you bad? No of course not :)! You're really blessed, but I hope that you're using it the right way.

Everybody has something. Some talent that they can use or discover that they can magnify and make bigger to share with the world and with their friends. Music and Writing are two of mine that I've attempted to share with people. And you know what one of the best feelings is that I would take every time over fake popularity. I've heard a few times-it doesn't happen a lot, but when it does it's truly special, I've heard a few times a phrase similar to this one. "Mark, thank you, you have inspired me to do "something." I can't tell you how humbling and how deep that hits home for me. It's just my voice-they are only words that I make up when I use these talents. How could someone say that to me? How could I make a difference with just that? Well the fact is I did. Just by using it with the intent of making people happy and letting them have their own personal experiences with either of the examples I've shared.

I've held onto that throughout my journey so far. And now I'm on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, teaching people about Jesus Christ and trying to help people feel the love from their Heavenly Father and from me ^_^! I hope that I can inspire you-yes you right now reading, to do something great. These are just two examples of things you can discover for yourself. Just start doing something, work at it, then you'll find that you really are special no matter who you are. We all have talents, and like Jesus' states in his parable of the ten talents written within the New Testament-we all need to multiply our talents and share them with people, not hide them away to rust and recede.

I testify that you are loved :D! And that you are special, and I hope that if you read this that you're day has been brightened  I love you and want to give you as much comfort and hugs as I can :)! Have a great time, and a good week, whenever you read this okay?

Till we meet again ;)!