A Personal Inception

Sometimes we get down on ourselves don't we? Life's road is usually cracked, windy, and maybe even sometimes broken. There are bumps all around it, and we have a hard time navigating them. Why is that? Have you looked at yourself recently and asked, "Who am I?" I have. It's been a life long journey up to this point. Every time I think of it, every time I think I'm close, it slips away. Why? Because it's a journey, it's not a destination.

I talked about this a little bit in my last post, when I talked about being in the Eye of the Storm, but now I want to focus on that personal journey that we all have to find ourselves. I'm not an expert in any respect. In fact, I'm wrestling with myself and my mind to continue making progress in my own journey. It's difficult. I've shed many a tear and hugged many a floor, wondering how to keep going. So how would we?

For me, I've done lots of searching. Searching the Bible, the Book of Mormon-reading guides and studies, praying every single day, and doing a lot of self study. It's hard, because we sometimes don't know when we've reached the next step, or when we've achieved that next tier in knowledge.

I recently read an article that outlined some of the basic steps to finding yourself. I almost cried reading it. Most of the things it talks about, have been things that I've been searching, wrestling, crying, or searching for for a while. It didn't give me any dominate answers, but it gave me something to start from. I'd like to outline a few of its points, as well as input a few of my own gospel points in.

For me, my challenges are mostly emotional, especially at the present time. Most everything else is fine (Though, none of them are ever perfect), but I'm definitely working on that side of me more then anything. I don't mind talking about myself, but usually I'm quite reserved in "who" I talk to about it. I always have this fear that by revealing some of my mistakes or vulnerabilities, that I'll just come out more broken. I'll put that fear aside for now, at least with a few of these challenges that I'll share with you.

I recognize myself as a perfectionist. It's not a boastful label nor is it a horrible trait, but it is a challenge for me in lots of respects. Sometimes I try so hard to be perfect; to love everyone, to be nice and neat always, and to do my best in things I do, but with perfection as my bar, I never succeed. Now, if I'm talking about it, I must recognize that I have this tendency or trait, right? 

So, why is it so hard? It's because it's a mental way of thinking. It's part of my personality. Can I change it? Honestly, I don't know, but I just know that I have to find someway of letting it in and fusing with me. You can only fight yourself so long before you lose, and I've gotten to that point many times. That's one of the rules of life though: Nobody is perfect, and we don't need to be concerned about being loved by everyone. That's something that's hard for most people, including me. I love the quote by Raymond Hull that says:

"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." 

It's hard to do this sometimes, but we need to accept ourselves and realize that we are very special people. This goes along with self worth and self confidence. Again, something that I'm working on, but we need to accept that each of us are special, and we have talents that we've been blessed with.

There was two or three main points from the article that I will mention now. The first subject on one of the "Steps to Personal Discovery" was entitled, "Let go of the need to be loved by all."

This is something that I think is difficult for many people. We want to be accepted don't we? It's our nature to want praise and affection for the things that we do or the achievements we get, but let's face facts. With nearly six billion people on the world (Don't quote me on that statistic!), we can't get along or be loved by everyone. Someone somewhere is going to hate or dislike us for reasons we don't know. Just accept that you won't get along with everyone. You have friends and family who, hopefully, love you, and even though everyone may not like you, you're still a wonderful person who has gifts and talents to use through your life.

The second point that I'd like to outline is, "Immerse yourself in Solitude." 

This is definitely true for myself. Everyone needs time alone, whether you're the "Chatty Cathy" or the "Shy Stewart". The article clearly describes that solitude is a time for rejuvenation, self-talk, and utter peace. Reading that sentence gave me a lot of peace. I love to discuss things with myself inside my mind. I find that, even when I can't turn to anyone else, I am my greatest listener. If we don't stop and think once and a while, our brains go into overload. How can you expect to find peace if you've burnt out the 'memory boards' of your brain? Not possible. Everything needs rest, and that goes for your mind and your feelings too.

For me, my time consists of quiet pondering, simple writing, and soft prayers. I would consider myself a creative person at heart, and it really is something when I can just sit down and let my mind zoom through the universes and feel that peace. 

The final point I'd like to talk about is, "Be ready for Dead Ends." 

I told you at the start that reading this article made me tear up, and the following point and quotation is one of the reasons why. I love you all. Thank you for coming into my life and for teaching me many, many things about myself. I will leave you, my good reader, with this quote, and bid you a wonderful time till we blog again :). Be safe, and remember that you always have a caring friend right here. 

Finding yourself is a journey, not a destination. A lot of it is trial and error. That's the price you pay in return for the satisfaction you receive: More often than not, you hit a bump in the road, and sometimes you fall flat on your face. Be prepared to understand and accept that this is a part of the process, and commit to getting right back up and starting over. 

Credits:

www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself 

Love: An Eternal Remedy for Pain

I don't know about anyone else, but I just love love. Does that make sense? No? He-he, well I'll explain that statement! It doesn't matter if you're a parent, a child; student, or spouse, a sister, or a brother-we all can feel love. There are some people in the world-maybe even you reading these words right now, who unfortunately haven't gotten to feel loved or cared for. I'm truly sorry if you haven't, but I hope that with this, and as you read my words, that you can feel that love that I have for you already.

You may ask, "Well how can this person
who I don't know already love me?" Good question, and here's the answer: It's because I know that everyone has worth, and most people, if you’re really look deep enough, just need a hug or at least some form of affection or acknowledgement. Am I professing to be this wonderful, love-filled person, who just goes around and hugs everyone? No. I do love hugs, but I'm still a human. I still get frustrated, upset, and impatient with many things-including people, but that's part of life and part of being a human. I may not be able to look at everyone I meet and just be a loving person upfront, but I do try my best.

I really like how the dictionary defines love. It's simple, sweet, and you can really feel love for the definition, if that isn't an epitome of a cliché'. Love is defined as a profoundly, tender, passionate affection for another person. It's really easy isn't it, to become frustrated with someone? It seems that it is really easy for us to look at a person and automatically start finding what's wrong with him or her. We all do it-I do it, no one is innocent from this, but it's something that we can improve and work on as we grow closer to one another.

Think of how much different life would be-how different the world would be, if people took a step back, and got over themselves. Remember that as I'm talking, this is applying to everyone including myself :)! But think about it. Think about the conflicts, the economic condition, the programs, the welfare, the poverty, disease, despair, and fear-All of it. What would fix everything? Do I need to say it? Apparently I do, because the world hasn't gotten it yet unfortunately. It's love, my friends.

As a member and representative of Jesus Christ, and of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I've had the opportunity to study the Bible, and the other main book of scripture that we use called-The Book of Mormon. Now I won't get into too much detail about the book just yet, as I want to focus on this overlying idea of love, but basically the Book of Mormon is an ancient and past record of the people and prophets of the American continent that lived here many generations ago. Similar to the Bible-which is an ancient record of the prophets and people that lived in Egypt, Israel, and Jerusalem-the Book of Mormon goes hand-in-hand with the Bible to relate truths that the Bible leaves slightly vague or unexplained.

Within the Book of Mormon, near the end, one of the prophets is describing Jesus Christ, and what his example and his teachings should mean to us. I'm going to quote from the prophet Moroni-one of the last prophets in this record, and this is in the 7th chapter of Moroni near the end of the Book of Mormon:

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things...But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him..." (Moroni 7: 45, 47-Book of Mormon)

Let's think about that for a moment. So charity is the pure love of Christ. Love. And it endureth all things and is forever. My readers, friends, fellow ministers, and loving family-Love is the antidote to pain, and is the remedy for any and all situations that cause grief. I hope that if you're reading this, you've felt loved-because I love you. I'm not perfect. No. But through my experiences up to this point in life, I know that to feel loved and cared for is one of the most special and intimate feelings in the universe.

I testify and exhort you to try to love a little more. But more important than trying to love others, you need to start loving yourself as well. If you can't love yourself, you can't love other people. We're all different people. This ignorant status-quo paradigm that the world has shoved into our faces is absolutely and irrevocably false, and it's getting worse and worse. You. Yes you reading these words right now. You are special; this is me telling you right now, that you are loved! Look in the mirror, and give yourself a hug from me :)!

That's something I pray for everyday-to be able to have a better capacity to love, because I don't have the best control in the world-who does? But I know that Jesus Christ loves me, and so does our Heavenly Father. It may be hard. I know that some people have a harder time of loving themselves and other people than others-I'm probably one of them, but just remember:

"Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thysel: I am the Lord." (Leviticus 18:19-Old Testament)

It's really hard sometimes I know that, but just stay strong, and if anything just love yourself and realize that you are loved ^_^!

I would finally exhort you to seek out for people to give you love-sometimes you just need someone to say something nice to you, or to acknowledge you. I would put my invitation out there that if anyone needs some care, you can always seek Jesus Christ...and the Elders :D!

I love you my friends, and fare thee well till next time!

The Power of Prayer

During the occupation of the German Nazis into Poland, many of the cities throughout the country lay barren or secluded from the world through much of the war because of the increased enemy force throughout the nation. Warsaw laid in ruins, tanks roamed the streets, and German soldiers gathered people into different sections of the city to keep them contained, put them to work, or transfer and transport different groups to other places in Poland and Germany to work or to die.

During the heart of World War II-nearing the end of 1943, occupation of the country was already completed, and numerous amounts of the citizenship had already been killed or had died because of the harsh conditions. I would like to tell you about one instance during the occupation in where-despite the dark status and sheer miserable state in the country at the time-hope still remained, and chivalry wasn't lost.

We come to a young man named Damian Pawel-a seventeen year old young man, and a member of the LDS church since 1938. His family had been living on the outskirts of Warsaw when the German invasion forces had begun bombardment on the ill prepared city. Being located out of the main district of the city, and having their home in what we would call suburbs, they were slightly more fortunate then most who resided in the cities' boundaries. Not all was well however. As tanks and raids swept the area, more and more troops poured into the city, and continued sweeping the area like a force unto no other.

Damian and his family had gathered up what they could and fled their home in their little family car. Only fifteen minutes after driving down one of the dirt roads of the countryside away from Warsaw did the area near them explode with bombing shells from the planes overhead. The family wasn't hurt-thankfully, but the car had swerved because of the force of the explosions and had wrecked against a tree line by the road. Quickly and without any thought, Damian had helped his family out, and grabbed whatever he could as they fled into the forest towards what they thought and hoped was one of the smaller towns.

With his parents ahead continuing to push forward, and Damian behind his younger, eight year old sister Monika, they continued to run. Every flash and bang in the distance shocked each of them, and the slight pang of fear always was blazoned on their faces. The treeline for the opposite side was approaching, and threw the rivers of sweat coming off of them, they could see the clear fields again. They past the treeline and continued down the line as they looked around for something...anything. Then they saw it then. Half a mile to the right, across the fields, Damian spotted what probably was the town of Gmina Izabelin-an area where the village of Izabelin was.

Running and running-the family reached the town and continued to hear the bombing and the ever reaching sounds of the German invasion. A quick tap on the shoulder startled young Damian, and he turned around and beheld an elderly gentleman and his frail looking wife. They pointed to a small building and led them toward it-inside the building was just a small room, and one cupboard-probably not any bigger then a broom closet. Outside, the explosions were still booming off, and the crackling of tanks and planes getting closer. Damian looked out the window with fear and desperation in his eyes. He loved his family so much and in the face of certain demise, felt his hope start dwindling. The couple pushed and edged the family into the small cupboard, and then quickly ran out of the building-probably to go get there family somewhere safe, or find some place else to hide.

It didn't take long for the sounds of German soldiers to reach the young families ears, and Damian spent the entire time hugging his family and trying to hold onto his hope. A passing thought in his mind gave him that sliver of hope and, while holding his family, and in his staggered speech he uttered a simple, but teary eyed prayer. "Oh Lord my God, my family is the life of my soul, I pray thee protect them, our trust is in thine hands."

A simple glance over to the closet would have been enough to know that it was occupied. The building which they were in was only a bit more then a shack, and the soldiers persisted to find everyone in the town-ripping up boards and crashing through doors. Through the entire two hours of them tearing the town apart, did the closet door get searched? No it didn't.

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Words cannot express what this must have meant to this young man who was facing pure destruction and darkness, and the thought of losing those who he loved so much. But with the words of a simple, humble prayer-a prayer that showed his utter dependence and love for his family, and his God, coupled with the courage and the Christ-like actions of that elderly couple, saved Damian's family from what would have been the end, in retrospect.

I would like to testify to you readers of the power of prayer. We may not be facing a hostile invasion force-the explosions of bombs and guns going off, or the thought of being killed, but we have our own mountains to climb, we have our families to hug, and we are always at war. Heavenly Father loves each one of us with a love that would echo a thousand universes. We are his children, and he loves, and looks forward to hearing each of us in our prayers to him. I encourage all of you to pray if you haven't prayed in a while. Express gratitude and love for your Heavenly Father, and he will respond.

I know that he loves us, and that he loves me. I don't know what it's like to face death with the prospect of losing my family, but I do know how the emptiness of loneliness and loss feels, and having a Father in Heaven who sends his spirit and the love from his son Jesus Christ, is a blessing indeed. May we continue to feel that loving affection and feeling from him and continue to pray with tender hearts, and loving souls.

I love each of you-even though I might not have met you yet. To all the family and friends who read this-my love goes out to you as well, and I hope that you can get a "hug" from reading this. I wish you a great weekend and an even greater hope!

Till next time! :)

Tender Affection: A Loving God

Hey everyone!

Wow-time is just flying sometimes. Just yesterday it was Easter, and now it's already almost Thursday. It is very peculiar. Well, I hope everyone in New York, and anyone who reads this is doing well-my prayers are with you. I wanted to share a short message about what we're trying to do and just build upon what I said last week in my Easter message.

I think we've built a good foundation here in the Lancaster area of New York. The members of the ward are very nice, and I think Easter was a very good way of introducing ourselves, and making sure that they know we're here to help them. All of the people that we've met as well-on the street or just with referrals, have been fairly nice as well.

Anyway, I want to focus on just one subject in today's blog, and that is that we have a loving Heavenly Father, our God almighty, who has a body that is perfected and resurrected, that he is living in Heaven, and that he is watching over us. Sometimes in life it's hard to see why or how things happen. Life sucks. That's pretty much what we feels sometimes, but what's more is how we deal with that realization and that stress that comes with the trials that we face. Sometimes we might just give up or feel like quitting; other times it may increase our capacity for anger, and even sometimes persuade us to hurt others. All of these things have happened at one time or another to people, and it's hard sometimes to stop them.

I know life is hard-I'm only twenty years old, and it's been a challenging run up to this point, but I know that I have a Heavenly Father up there who knows me personally, and who loves me more then I could ever know. Sometimes he does allow me to go through trials, and bad things will happen-that's life though! God doesn't control every single, little thing that happens. Nature sometimes just takes it's course; everything in nature must have opposition, so it's hard sometimes, but he does love us and he wants us to feel that.

Prayer has been a great tool for me, especially that I'm serving as His missionary. I couldn't do this. Not one bit! If I didn't have His help, and the ability to pray to him whenever I wanted to, to let him know my worries and open up to him-then I couldn't do this. I do love him, and know that I wouldn't even be here trying to help people if I didn't have God behind me to help me with anything that I'm worrying about-even if it seems insignificant-nothing is insignificant to God, especially if his children are experiencing it!

So you members of the church, or just a passerby person-you are loved, and you are all royalty-no matter what background you come from, or how good your life quality is-you are royalty, and if you are in my area where I'm serving, let me know how I could help. For me, I like to show affection, kindness, and care to the ward members and other people that I meet with words of affirmation or physical constructs such as a friendly handshake, a nice pat on the back, or a warm hug. I've only been in Lancaster for just about a week and a half-almost two weeks, and I've already started to love the people here more and more!

I hope that I gave you something to think about, and let you know that you aren't alone and that if you need anything you can always pray to God, or just call me and the other Elders :D!

I love you all-members, non-members, family, and friends! I hope to continue to talk to you!

Have a Happy April!